The fire’s warmth spread across my body, lifting both my heart and my spirit into realms unseen. It crackled and burned, whispering messages that I had only begun to comprehend since coming to live with Master Mikhail; it would take me a lifetime, if what he said was true, to learn to understand them in full. Still, I listened to each word, each syllable, as if it were the last one I would ever hear. No matter what it said, the words themselves brought with them such a sense of comfort that I could not ignore them. At the same time, the dual nature of the flame raised its head – fire could burn as well as heal, and threatened to engulf me, unmake me into the dust I had come from. None of the others, save for Master Mikhail, knew this as I did. They couldn’t, of course. It was not in their nature to know, and they had knowledge of things that I could not, too.
Master Mikhail called it the Voice of Nature. According to him, the Voice could speak in any of four tongues, and each ear that listened heard Her in a different way. With this understanding came intimacy and trust within a given worldly element – those who heard the Fire’s Voice, such as myself, could learn after a fashion to embrace all things born from Fire. The sunlight of a fierce summer’s day or the raging heat of an active volcano all spoke with the same Voice, and could be heard by Her chosen. There were other Voices, too; of Water, and Air, and Earth, but these I had never witnessed beyond the insistence of others that they were real. It was only fair; they didn’t believe me, either.
Thinking of the others – Master Mikhail, and Raimen, and our third housemate, the other girl, that I had yet to see for the first time that morning – began to pull my attention back from the dancing fire and into the visible world once more. I regretted the interruption, but there were exercises and studies to perform if I wanted to undo the shame that I had brought upon myself the previous day. Master Mikhail had said nothing to the others about my failure, and this omission was perhaps more painful than any truth he might have told. To have tried and failed was bad enough, but to have tried for nothing? There would be no recognition, no praise for my brave, if foolish, attempt. Had I not at least found the courage to continue, after Master Mikhail had brought real blades to the challenge? Had I not at least done well for the first half of the fight? He knew, and Raimen knew that I had failed, but beyond this, it would be as if nothing had ever happened at all.
Raimen was the first to notice my return. He was lounging in one of Master Mikhail’s armchairs, reading his ever-present book of advanced studies. I had thought often, to my own great satisfaction, about what he might do if I were to steal that book while he slept, or twist it out of his grasp and (accidentally on purpose) drop it into the mud. It had taken me a few tries to figure out where he kept it when he did sleep, and the unfortunate realization that it resided beneath the small of his back during nights had left me pondering how best to snatch it for the future. It seemed as if he were married to it, sometimes – if only that were true!
“I thought you looked a little less dumb than you did a minute ago. Your jaw was hanging open.” He didn’t even look up; he might have been talking to the book rather than to me! “Drool isn’t very attractive for a girl your age.”
My hands were on the book before I realized what I was doing. “I don’t look dumb, and my jaw wasn’t hanging anywhere. It looks to me like you’re reading this with your eyes half closed, if you can see all that from across the room and still read.” I tried to tear the book out of his hands with every ounce of strength I had; of course it was like trying to tear a single brick from a built wall. I knew that he heard the Water’s Voice, on Master Mikhail’s word, but more often it seemed that Earth would have been appropriate!
He didn’t laugh or return my insults as I had expected him to. It only occurred to me after the searing pain in my left palm dissipated why he did not. Damn my foolish injury! Until it healed, so much would be difficult – taunting Raimen, planning how best to get a reaction from that girl, and finding the time to challenge Master Mikhail again. Next time, it would have to be public; I would have to make sure that everyone attended. Of course, that meant I would have to be sure not to fail again, too.
A growl in my throat, I let go of the book and turned my back on Raimen. “Fine, keep it. One of these days I’ll just burn it, you know. Then where will you be?”
“Get back here, dummy.”
I paused at the new tone in his voice. He wasn’t angry or teasing, this time. Turning, I found his face to be unreadable, much as it always was. He had the gift to change his expressions and thoughts so fluidly that they were unintelligible to anyone who did not hear the Water’s Voice – though I refused to give him an inch on my belief in such things, the concept fit him without a doubt. Raimen was serious quite often, perhaps more than any of us, but the timing on this bout of it was strange indeed. He was the eldest, it was his right to be serious when he pleased, or so he reminded us at least once per day. Still, I knew that Master Mikhail watched him, and that he wondered at what thoughts swelled in Raimen’s unreachable depths. I had not yet determined whether he feared that Raimen’s advanced training would someday be the death of him, or whether his interest was just that of a surrogate father concerned for his child.
Sighing, I turned back to face him, my hands on my hips – with my left hand just a little gentler than my right! “You didn’t listen when I said I wasn’t dumb before, did you? Why should I listen to you now?”
“Give me your hand.”
He wasn’t kidding. Deep in my chest, my heart started to pound harder than I had ever heard it before. Touch him? Him, of all people? I did my best never to be closer than a mile to his presence, and he knew it. Even the other girl got closer to him than I did. He loved to taunt me with it too; sitting on benches together when we had no choice resulted in the worst fights between us, when his knees “accidentally” bumped into mine, or when his hands “accidentally” pinched where they shouldn’t. He was three years older than me, after all; expecting innocence from such a deep thinker was foolish on a lot of levels. Master Mikhail never interfered – not because he approved, I knew that, but because I had agreed to this when I agreed to study the Way. As a girl, I would have to fight and choose my own battles. My name was only as good as I chose to make it.
He sighed, impatient. “Just give it to me. I didn’t mean that way.”
I had to think for a moment before my brain caught up with his, and the resulting comprehension made me even more flustered than I had been. I hadn’t even considered he might have been asking about THAT! It was one of the many reasons we didn’t get along, Raimen and me; even when taunting me, his mind was at least three years ahead of mine, and sometimes it felt more like thirty. He could run circles around me, and make me feel like even more of a fool than Master Mikhail could, if he set his mind to it. The less time I spent in his company, the better I felt. It was clear from his expression that he’d assumed at least as much as I had; he thought I had been worried about the meaning of his words on a different level, not that I had just hesitated for the obvious reason. Not for the first time I wished I could just walk away and leave him unanswered, but I knew that would never happen while he still lived. It was a shame, really.
Gritting my teeth, I stuck my good hand under his nose, and was compelled to use it to slap him. From the flinch I noticed at least halfway through the motion, I held off, realizing he had already expected something like that. Always a step ahead, Raimen was… one day I would catch him off guard, and savor the moment like the most delicate of gourmet feasts! “I suppose you want to spit on it or something? Look, Rat-man, I have things to do…”
On any other day, at any other moment, the insulting nickname that I’d used for years would have irritated him into some sort of response. Instead, he shook his head – and sprung into action. Before I knew what had hit me, he held both of my wrists in a death grip and he was on his feet. The instincts to fight or run were at war within my head, but he gave me no time to consider either option. He was so strong, and so fast, and I was helpless against anything he might have chosen to do. Maybe he’d decided not to wait for marriage… If only I’d learned faster, thought faster, if only I hadn’t been such a failure, in front of Master Mikhail and everyone…!
My eyes were closed so tightly that I could see spots of light hovering at the edges of my vision. I felt him slide his hand from my left wrist to my left palm, and his touch crossed the line where my skin was covered by a thick bandage. Unfortunately, he didn’t stop there, and brought his full palm to rest over my injury. The pain was instantaneous.
“What do you think you’re doing? Stop it, Raimen, you know that hurts, don’t you? You saw me get it, you know what happened, don’t play me for a fool…”
He was ignoring me. From the lack of other motion, I realized that I wasn’t in danger of being taken advantage of, at least, and my eyes began to slide open again. I had not wanted to believe he would do such a thing, but I couldn’t trust him, couldn’t read him, not with so much water in the way…
At last he spoke. “I wanted your other hand, not the one you gave me. I’ve been reading a lot, as you noticed. There’s something in here I’ve been wanting to try. You can be my test subject.”
“What?” I think my voice hit an all-time high at that moment. “Don’t you dare test anything on me! Did you run this by Master Mikhail? Does he know what you’re about to do? Is this even safe? You know I don’t trust you…”
I started to pull on my hand, trying to free myself of his grasp, but it worked about as well as it ever had in the past. His grip tightened on my palm, bringing the pain to new heights. Unbidden tears came to my eyes, but I would sooner have died than let him see them. Instead, I lifted my foot and stomped down hard on his bare toes.
He howled in pain, dropped my hand and fell backwards into his chair, wincing as if I’d broken his nose in the same movement. His hands went for his foot, exploring through the pain to see if I had broken anything. The scowl on his face when he looked back up at me was the Raimen I had come to expect; the sullen little boy that I’d known for years rather than the thoughtful, curious imitation of a man that I’d seen mere moments before. It comforted me more than anything else had, perhaps even the fire, that day.
“You’re so stupid, Anri. I wasn’t going to do anything bad! I know we don’t get along, but I’d never…” He trailed off, one hand scratching at his messy hair. “I’d never… you know, hurt you. On purpose. Unless I had to. Or you wanted me to.”
“Why would I ever want you to hurt me? I think you’re the dummy here, Raimen, not me.” I stuck my nose in the air and turned to head for the door. “Next time find a different test subject to play with. I’m not your toy any more than I am your wife.”
He smiled, and this of course made me frown. That statement should not have in any way brought a smile to his face…
“In that case, you might have a look at your hand.”
I looked. I had to, because I couldn’t feel anything wrong anymore. The bandage was still tight and unsullied around my palm, and the bloodstains from before still dirtied the white cloth… but I knew before I even unwrapped it what he had managed to do. With a sinking feeling in my gut, I went through the motion of unwrapping it anyway, just to prove to both of us his expertise. I couldn’t wait to give him one more reason to gloat over me.
As expected, the wound on my palm was as if it had never existed. There was a rough scar in its place; whatever Raimen had learned, it was not the kind of complete healing that Masters practiced, but that was to be understood. After all, Raimen was not supposed to be practicing anything out of that book without Master Mikhail present! He was no Master – he was too young, even if by some miracle of nature, he had managed to find the talent! I half expected it to reopen with too much provocation, but the only way to do that…
Then his comment registered at last, and I felt even worse than I had after failing my challenge. He knew it, too; the look on his face was somewhere between triumph and agony from having his toes crushed. Disgusted, and finding nothing to say that would not make the situation even worse, I decided to do what I had intended to do all along and leave. I stalked to the door and left without so much as a second look at him.
As the door slammed shut behind me, I could hear him say one thing, and one thing only.
“You’re welcome, Anri.”